Each year as prom approaches, every boy of Steinbrenner High school descends upon every Men’s Warehouse within a 10 mile radius of the school; with so few suit colors to choose from, the hundreds find themselves at odds.
Black, gray, navy, or the more audacious green, pink or white; so few designers focus the last three colors that the average Steinbrenner boy is thrust into a mortal combat arena in an attempt to have the opportunity to wear one of the three staple colors.
After the “violent spring” of 2009, where over 30 students were arrested at the Men’s Warehouse on North Dale Mabry after an altercation over a particularly ravishing lean-cut black suit, the Prom Moderation Council (PMC) was formed out of necessity to control the situation. The council is picked of the most exemplary young men of the senior class (five, to be exact) who, for the last couple of years, have diffused every potential crisis. Unfortunately, they were unable to this year.
The release of a new line of Gucci ties has taken the violence to levels that the PMC might not even be able to control. In fact, preliminary reports have surfaced that could potentially call for PMC’s member intervention. Suspicions have surfaced over all five members receiving one of the coveted Gucci ties, which were supposed to have been randomly rationed out.
Two days before prom, the corruption of the PMC was confirmed and the five powerful members have all fled the country. They got to the PMC jets before an angry mob of Steinbrenner boys could get to them. In their fit of rage, the mob descended on Citrus Park Mall to wreak havoc and take out their frustration.
While there, the mob devastated every designer clothes store in sight, including a surprise ransacking of Forever 21. The Gucci ties in stock, reportedly worth over 20 million school lunches a piece, were all gone when the dust settled.
The police gave it their best effort to quell the madness but could not get close enough to stop it. Two policemen were injured from the inhalation of too much cologne. Their status is still critical.
The only injuries to the students are reported to have come from other students, and according to one of the injured, in fights over the appropriate hair coloring inside Dillards. This can’t be confirmed as the source of injury for all boys, over 40 have checked into the hospital for care so far. There are reports contrary to the initial Dillard’s theory, one is that the black suits went out of stock and a storming of the store counter occurred, leading to tramplings.
The total of injured is expected to rise, especially after about 50 boys were seen running across the roof to get to the other side of the mall faster, and fell through into the movie theatre, interrupting a 10th anniversary showing Mean Girls. The incident has put the female population of Steinbrenner on edge with their male counterparts, and multiple riots have been diffused that were caused by this gender rift.
Some of the masses have expressed concerns over the selection of the prom royalty because of the looming suspension of the event in the wake of violence. An interim PMC has been formed by the Hillsborough County School Board to initiate an interim election, but with the current gender strife, sabotage is likely.
One thing is for sure, this will go down as the largest prom war in history.
Zealand Shannon / Sports Editor