BOY PEN CONFUSIONAs many people have noticed, the world around us is changing rapidly. Men and women can no longer use the same things. For example, Bic’s “For Her” pens have recently hit stores. These feminine pens have helped women all over the country write even better than before.
“I’m so excited,” said author Mary Book. “I had so much trouble holding those man pens. The “For Her” pens are much better and easier to write with.”
The “For Her” pens have caused a trend all over the country. Charmin toilet paper recently released toilet paper for women.
“It really has been a blessing for all us women,” said frequent toilet user Gotta Go. “I used to be stuck on the toilet for hours and now everything is real quick.”
Go is one of many women who have suffered at the hands of men’s toilet paper. Recent studies report women who have been stuck on the toilet for numerous days at a time. Where did all the women go? Well, they were stuck in the bathroom, until this papyrus miracle.
Following the lead of Bic and Charmin, Publix grocery stores have decided to have a men and women’s side of the store, with specific foods on each side.
“Separate but equal is what I always say,” said Publix store manager, Tom Foody.
With all the attention that women are getting, some men are very angered by the special treatment that women are receiving.
“It’s very annoying actually,” said Thomas Mann. “Why must men get all the generic stuff? We’re people too.”
Mann is especially angry about the Oneida forks for women. These special utensils are designed specifically for delicate female hands.
“Sometimes when I’m really hungry, all I can find are my wife’s forks,” said Mann. “Most of the time I end up eating with my hands.”
Oneida is currently working on knives for women too.
“We don’t want women’s delicate hands being cut by our sharp, manly knives,” said Oneida CEO, Silver Ware. “Our new knives will be much more comfortable and user friendly for women. To let you in on a little secret – we’re working on women’s spoons too.”
The knives are expected to be released sometime in November and the spoons sometime in December 2014.
We also have word that in mid January, women will be blessed with their very own toilets. Pink and all! No more will girls have to run around doing the potty dance when they can have their very own porcelain throne right in the comfort of their own home. Out with those boyish toilets and in with the new.
Women and men have been forced to use the same things. Now, companies all around the world are starting to realize that women can’t use the same general products because their needs far exceed those of any man.

Sophie Bocksnick / Staff Writer

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