It is a very important day for Elon Musk as he reveals his company’s newest, blockiest creation, the Tesla Cybertruck. Straight out of Minecraft, the Tesla Cybertruck is a one of a kind, electrically powered truck that is projected to rival other trucks on the market.
With the level of importance that this presentation entails, almost every sane person expects a pristine, well-practiced performance. However, think again because this simply is not the case. Just now, Musk is having a man throw a rock at the windows to prove how durable they are. But, just like the Dow Jones at the beginning of the Great Depression, that sucker is being destroyed! The initial hit of the rock on the window is causing the glass to shatter almost as hard as Musk’s heart seems to be. While Musk is hoping that this result is a flaw, the man throws another rock at the other window. Lo and behold, that window shatters as well. Musk can be heard cursing on stage as his soul visibly leaves his body.
“A cat had scratched he glass before the presentation, causing the glass to weaken immensely,” said Musk’s coworker.
The cat is already being escorted out of the facility by Musk’s security guards and hasn’t been seen since.
Now that this dilemma is over, Musk hasn’t been heard from for a while. Many people assume that he is too defeated to leave his home, and that he believes his life is over due to the performance.
However, everyone couldn’t be more wrong. The entire time, Musk has been upgrading the Cybertruck with the help of his advanced engineers, so that it won’t fail again.
Musk hasn’t given a major update on the status of the Cybertruck in a while; probably because he’s busy with a court case while being sued for defamation. Nice one dude. But, now that he has finished the court case, he has all the time needed to get his revenge and prove that the Cybertruck is something to behold. He drives his Cybertruck into Los Angeles once a week, just hoping to stir up the crowd.
“This is some great publicity,” said Musk.
As he exits, with the grace of someone writing an essay in 30 minutes, runs over a traffic cone, completely destroying the epic vibe he was portraying.
Defeated, Musk releases his final tweet on Twitter, cursing the Cybertruck and wishing it had never been born.
Joshua Yaker // Staff Writer