The revolutionary Area 51 raid has unfortunately lost its leader. Matty Roberts, the college student who put the plan in place on Facebook, has dissociated with the raid and its festival, Alienstock, out of fear of what the government will do.

“It’s a fantastic relief. I’ve had a lot of concerns leading up to Alienstock. Just to see all those come to a head 11 days before the event is kind of a relief,” said Roberts.

However, true investigators don’t need Roberts to lead: true investigators need to uncover the government’s secrets in Area 51. Area 51, a “highly classified U.S. Air Force facility” located in rural Nevada, no doubt contains hundreds of secrets that the government is feebly attempting to hide from citizens.

People have speculated that the facility will contain aliens, as many have spotted images of the extraterrestrials floating around the internet, but others have been more creative with their theories. Some theorists on social media suspect that the secret facility may contain new foods, Spiderman’s radioactive spider, Minecraft emerald armor, and more. Area 51 no doubt detains aliens, but what else? The people of the Oracle Newspaper speculate that this area is not only an alien prison, but a factory that produces the robotic birds who watch our every move.

It was already leaked online that former President Ronald Reagan exterminated all birds in the United States in 1986, all in a sick act done to replace them with drone-like spy cameras overnight. The question of how they were able to produce such “birds” remains. The government can’t trust some lowly tech company to bring their devious plan to life, they must rely on themselves.

The question regarding the birds’ manufacturer will stay unanswered, until today. On this day, Sept. 20, 2019, the once preyed upon and victimized citizens of the United States of America will know the truth about Area 51 and all of its dirty secrets. Don’t forget to Naruto run in order to outrun the bullets, and the people of the Oracle Newspaper will see you there.

Cat Johnson // Staff Writer

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