KFC has officially elbowed their way into the prom night market. Last week the favorite southern fast food joint released the new fried chicken corsage (found at http://www.kfc.com/corsage) which has swept the nation. The corsage comes with all the needed flair expected with such an important and elegant part of prom attire. However, instead of a large flower center piece, a 5 dollar gift card is presented. From there the gift card is presented to a local KFC, where the dutiful chicken craftsman can help you customize the perfect piece of poultry for just the occasion (which can come in Original Recipe, Extra Crispy or Kentucky Grilled, depending on which best matches).
It seems other fast food chains have caught on though, and are quickly flooding the market. IHOP has started selling wedding rings made of all you can eat pancakes that last forever. McDonald’s has revived the McRib temporarily for the sole purpose of producing delicious, heart attack-inducing bow ties. Burger King is now providing prom king and queen crowns of onion rings. Denny’s new line of sausage link necklaces and wristbands has made them millions in profit in just a week. White Castle has even started churning out sliders cuff links. But this all gets eclipsed by the custom tailored bacon suits coming out of Arby’s. Every piece is exquisitely charred to perfection for a perfect fit that will everyone turning heads at prom.
However, all these prom accessories made out of fast food and cooked meat has come with a few unforeseen problems. As it turns out, humans aren’t the only ones that like fast food. Seagull assaults are up 300% in the last 2 weeks. One High School Prom was even broken up when a bear found its way inside the gym and began to go after one man with chicken nugget vest. Many have begun to realize that dangers of this newest fashion statement, may not be worth the risk.
This current fad comes with a few benefits however. Catering services have cut prices in the wake of lower demand as Prom goers find themselves more often munching on their outfits rather than the sometimes sketchy provided food. Also, many donate the leftovers of their outfits and accessories to local charities that help feed the homeless around the country. A quick poll has found that soup kitchens throughout America find themselves able to supply more meals with more protein than in decades.
Considering purchasing any of these succulent accessories for your prom? Just remember these few tips to make sure that your fast food fashion statement goes over smoothly:
- Stick to big names. As of the writing of this article, most of the smaller fast food places and the mom & pop stores haven’t brought the quality of their products up to standards like KFC.
- Reconsider whether or not it’s a good idea to buy anything that smells like cooked meat if you have a pet, they have a tendency to eat those things. If you do, make sure to keep it stored in a secure location that is chilled below 40 degrees until ready to wear.
- While it is a good idea to preorder long before prom to make sure your purchase goes through. Don’t pick it up until at earliest a week before, or else you could have a sticky situation on your hands
Keep all of this in mind and you can have the most fashionable and delicious outfit and that will turn heads and noses at prom.
Michael Palermo / Web Editor