costume satire In light of the coming October holiday season staffers of the Oracle would like to remind all Steinbrenner girls of the obvious rules that come with choosing a costume for Halloween. To help you to better understand these rules they have been condensed into two simple rules to follow. After all, you can’t possibly be expected to make these profound choices on your own and it is everybody’s business what you decide to wear on Halloween night.

1. The important thing is to be sexy.
Clearly the entire point of Halloween is to be appealing to the public. So ladies, be sure to cater to it. If you want to express your love for a super hero by dressing up as them, be absolutely sure you wear the ‘sexy’ female version of the actual superhero–the one with the mini-skirt and stilettos that would in no way be practical in any sort of battle against the forces of evil.
Want to be a power ranger, a knight, or ninja turtle? Please reconsider. After all, it is up to the boys to show any signs of power. Doing so would mean being unappealing to everyone else, and therefore losing any sort of significance or importance. However, if you truly must dress as something powerful or heroic, do so in a way that it doesn’t seem like either by using reliable miniskirts and heels to better show that you are indeed a female. However, be sure to refrain from becoming overly confident about your choices otherwise males will no longer be deemed as the sole decision makers.
Remember, everyone already expects you to run around showing less in the chilling October weather, so why not do it. You will have no problem finding the perfect costume considering that the majority of what you are presented with to wear are strictly sexy versions of things anyhow.

2. Stay classy.

Dress code rules exist for a reason. Among the absolute bombardment of frilly miniskirts and animal ears on Halloween night, it is crucial to remain as inconspicuous as possible. The provocative outfits will unfortunately have a distracting effect on the boys, and it is undoubtedly your fault if someone can’t keep their eyes to themselves on Halloween.

As previously stated, it is indeed the business of other people when it comes to your attire and therefore what others could think should be the first thing on your mind when buying your costume. Does it project you in the ‘right’ light? You cannot afford to be judged by anyone at anytime, even though that is physically impossible, such are the expectations you as a female need to uphold. The concept of dressing for yourself and not for other people is one that should be in the furthest reaches of your mind.
Do your best this October and dig through the tons of bodacious costumes to find something that won’t have others thinking any less of you. After all, the opinions of those who believe they have the right to judge you as a person based on your Halloween attire are truly the opinions that matter.

Rebecca Pizano / Graphics Dept.

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