On Friday, January 7th, Twitter feeds were full of the hashtag #CutForBieber, partnered with pleas for the young pop star Justin Bieber to stop smoking marijuana. Teens across the country have been cutting themselves as a protest to his new found addiction. Reports came in that a local high school student, freshman Ridici Pointless, partook in this charade while also protesting against other of Bieber’s “bad habits”.
“You see, I’m a hardcore Belieber, so I see if fit to alter my life whenever he damages his,” said Pointless.
Due to her obsession with Bieber’s lifestyle, Pointless’ lifestyle has changed in many ways. For example, upon finding out that Bieber inserts his toilet paper to roll out from underneath as opposed to over the top, Pointless began to boycott toilet paper, and will only use leaves.
“Everyone knows that rolling your toilet paper from the underside is a big no-no, so until he fixes that issue, it’s maple leaves for me, because he is Canadian, after all,” said Pointless. “Hopefully my struggle will change his mind.”
Alongside this, the teen pop star is also known for putting his left sock on, then his left shoe, and then his right sock on and his right shoe. Because of this, Pointless has decided to perpetually walk around bare foot, no matter what the surface. “Yes, walking on the hot asphalt in the summer gives me excruciating blisters, and my feet get kind of chilly in the winter, but I think it’s worth it if it works toward him fixing his life,” said Pointless.
In addition, with Beiber’s preferred sleeping position is on his stomach as opposed to his side or back, Pointless has agreed to never again sleep another wink.
“[YAWN] What was I saying? Oh yeah…the lack of sleep is really taking its toll, but in the end, I know he will come through for me,” said Pointless.
“Don’t even get me started on his preferred version of Pop-Tart. Rumors have sprouted online that he prefers un-frosted pastries to frosted ones,” said Pointless. “If these rumors are true, I swear on my life I won’t eat ever again.”
Itso Pointless, Ridici’s mother, was highly concerned when she started noticing her daughter’s life changes. “It’s so unhealthy. I’m really considering admitting her into a mental hospital to try and straighten her out.”
As a concerned mother, Itso encourages everyone who knows someone that may be going to the extremes that Ridici is, to find help for them immediately.
If you have any concerns for a friend or loved one, you can call 1-800-555-LAME or visit getalife.now/beliebers
Emily Goldbach / Sports Editor